At the end of last year (is it just me or does it always feel weird to call it “last year” when it was only a few days ago?) I felt the theme of “creating space” arrive in my life. Or, more accurately, I belatedly acknowledged its relentless presence. It had presented itself to me over and over in different ways for months, maybe even years, until I eventually managed to connect the dots (at which point the Universe was probably thinking “ugh, FINALLY.”)
This past weekend was another yoga teacher training session for me and lo and behold, my floodgates finally opened and tears spewed from me like bats out of hell. I have already expressed that heart openers/backbends affect me greatly, so really it was only a matter of time before this deluge happened, yet I was still overwhelmed and beyond embarrassed.
On Saturday we were yet again working on urdhva dhanurasana (wheel pose) and my instructor asked me if I’d be willing to volunteer so he could demonstrate the ways for a teacher to help align a student in the pose. I believe my enthusiastic response was, “not really”. He asked why and I explained that heart openers in general are difficult for me. Not letting me off the hook, he pressed further and asked if I meant they were physically difficult, or difficult in an emotional way. I said the latter. Even as I said that and finally agreed to do the pose, I felt myself tearing up. I was so hoping that would be the extent of things. Continue reading “There’s No Crying in Yoga”
Happy New Year!
Winter has always been a difficult season for me. The frigid weather, the snow, the daytime hours seeming to be over before they’ve even really begun. In fact, several years ago I actually moved to California in hopes of escaping the “winter blues” I always seemed to get afflicted with year after year. It didn’t help! I moved back to Massachusetts after just a year on the west coast.
This year is especially difficult for me. I had briefly mentioned in an introductory newsletter that I came to own The Healing Center after a very traumatic event in my life. That event was my discovery of my husband’s infidelity. There are a few hundred subscribers on this mailing list, and statistics show me that many of you have likely been in this position before in some form. To those of you that have: I understand. To say it is life altering is an understatement of unimaginable proportions.
This year, in addition to my usual burden of dealing with low energy and positivity as result of the season, I am also tasked with searching for emotions and qualities within myself to assist me in my journey of recovery. Seeking out acceptance, optimism, compassion, confidence, and independence (for starters) has been the very opposite of an easy endeavor…but I have been succeeding. I have spent countless hours the past few months looking inward and allowing myself the time it is taking to accept that this event in my life does not define me.
I read somewhere once that sometimes we are taken into troubled waters not to drown, but to be cleansed. I truly believe that. During many meditations I have sat with the idea that I am the one, the ONLY one, with the power when it comes to my thoughts and feelings. Is this idea easier said than done? Of course! But it is also true. I alone have the power to choose to be happy, to choose what defines me, and to choose how I let outside factors affect me. So this winter, and in this new year, I am attempting to put those words into action. I am attempting to find myself cleansed and renewed from this—both my personal trauma, and the desolation of winter. Will I still have hard days? Will I still desperately miss the warm sunshine and green foliage? Will I still struggle to get out of bed some mornings? Yes, yes, and yes. But I am still trying, because my happiness will always be worth all the energy I have within me to supply to it.
If you have suffered (but survived!) through infidelity in your life, please take advantage of my offer of half off of a private Reiki session for you during the entire month of January ($15 for 30 minutes, $30 for 60 minutes.) Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up an appointment. or call 978-338-5571. The path to healing is paved with patience, introspection, and most importantly: self-care.
To quote Robert Frost, since his last name and these words feel so appropriate here and now: “The best way out is always through.”
P.S. Check out the Classes/Workshops tab on the website to see what else THC has to offer in 2016!
No, really, how do you feel?
Do you know? Have you been paying attention? Do you have words to describe what you’re feeling?
Chances are good that some of you can say how you’re feeling in great detail, and some of you are going “huh?”
It’s okay either way, it’s just a chance to see how much you pay attention to how you’re feeling.
Some people make decisions by how they feel, other people would never do that and make decisions only by what they think and reason out. Again, there’s nothing right or wrong with either way, it’s just how people function.
I pay a lot of attention to how I feel, sometimes so much that I can’t get out of my own way for feeling…feelings.
As you might guess, that’s also how I make many of my decisions—by how I feel. Years ago I taught myself to feel in my gut (around the third chakra) how a “yes” or “no” feels for what I am considering. Often a “no” is a sinking feeling as of energy being pulled out when it shouldn’t be. A feeling of being drained, so that I know if I decide to do what I am thinking of, I will regret it. Sometimes it takes a while to see how my gut was right, but I do find out eventually.
When I don’t feel any disturbing energy stirring in my gut, all is quiet, then I know that answer is yes, and again I can act on it with assurance.
I have learned to be very grateful for that inner guidance, my “gut feeling”.
But following my feelings is a tricky road to walk, especially as I have spent so much time in the land of depression with its attendant anxiety and despair. When I am feeling I can’t go on, is that a clear message from my gut to stop and do nothing? Or is it my depression, anxiety, or fear nudging me to take the safe road and do nothing?
When I am feeling “awful”, any number of ways to feel including chronic emotional pain, I struggle to push myself into any sort of action, whether getting out of bed or going to work or getting on the computer. It is a real battle sometimes to know what feeling to honor to know whether I can push past the feeling into action or to just say I can’t right now and let myself be.
There is also the question between what we feel and what is actual intuition and what is just emotion. What is the difference between feeling emotion, pain, etc, and feeling intuition?
Ask yourself this question and find what your own answer is.